The blog that will never be

I was going to write a terribly long post on my current frustrations.  However that isn't productive, and could potentially hurt people's feelings, so I am choosing to avoid this right now.  Just know, I'm very frustrated right now, but I'm pretty sure this will change.  Instead, I want to channel my frustration into productive activities, and believe me there are hundreds to do around this here casa.

There is so much I need to get done.  Some things are short term, like completing this semester; and some are long term, like getting our finances in order and living debt free using Dave Ramsey's ideas.  I guess I could put these on my 101 goals in 1001 days.  So maybe my goal for this week is to start working on my goals for the next few years.  Huh, a goal for goals, how odd!  I feel like this will be much more productive than dwelling on my annoyances/frustrations.

Weston is doing well, of course.  He had his first visit with the Easter Bunny yesterday.  He was absolutely adorable!  Please ignore me!

Here's a better view of his little outfit

I love this little boy!

Almost 5 Weeks

So Weston has been on this Earth for almost 5 weeks.  I apologize for the lack of blogging, but holy moly it's hart taking care of a baby and all of my millions of animals.  He has these days where he absolutely doesn't want to be put down, and as you can imagine, that makes it very hard to do anything, much less blog.

My priorities have definitely shifted, to say the least.  My life absolutely revolves around my little man.  Everything I do is for him.  Also, I'm exhausted!  The every 3 hour feeding schedule may just be the death of me.  OK, it won't, but it is really hard.  Those days he is super fussy are also quite hard on me.  But, I love him so much.  Even at his worst, he is still a great baby.

I almost have the birth story completed, though I don't know if I will post it.  That is something very personal and special, so I'm still on the fence about that.  Sorry to leave you hanging.

I really don't have anything interesting to report.  I spend all my time with Weston, and while I think he is the most interesting thing ever, some might not agree :).  I will say this much though, he is incredibly advanced for his age.  He was trying to lift his head before he was a week old, and has been able to fully lift it since he was 2 weeks.  He's also been smiling and laughing for about a week now.  He also is trying to crawl already!  He can move the legs, its just the arms that are throwing him off.  He will have it soon though!  I'm so amazed and proud of my baby.  He really is perfect.

With that, I'm going to end since he is probably about to stop fussing since his Dad put him in his swing to take the dogs out.  Hopefully it won't be so long for my next post.

A New Level of Frustration

I really wanted to be induced on Wednesday.  Even though I am truly terrified of labor and childbirth, and even though I know absolutely nothing about babies/children, I really wanted to be induced on Wednesday.  I would have been happy with Friday, but no, its Monday.  So I have a whole week to wait until I can be induced.  I am hoping at my appointment on Wednesday I will have progressed and dilated to more than 1 cm and he will move up the induction.  But I'm not holding my breath.

I'm miserable and whiney and I complain too much.  I'm also just ready to meet my son.  I'm also ready to sleep, though I know that won't happen with a newborn baby in the house.  I can't stand my attitude right now.  I was OK for most of the day, but as the day wore on and I became more tired, depression set in, as it so commonly does in the night hours for me, and now I'm just one grumpy momma!  My poor family and animals.  I am completely out of patience with pretty much everyone and everything, so I have warned everyone to not take it personal.

Tomorrow my mission is to eat tons of spicy food!!!  I don't like spicy food, and there isn't any in this house, so I'm not sure how that's going to work, but its a goal nevertheless!  There are also a few more "tricks" I may try, but those are not up for discussion.

I plan on keeping myself super busy tomorrow.  I will have tons of work to do, pictures to take, housework to get done, and animals to take care of.  So hopefully that will keep my mind off the fact that I will remain pregnant for another week.  And now, I am done whining!  I am grateful for my precious son, family, and animals.  God is good and everything will work out!

Snow!

I have seen more snow in the past 2 months combined than I had my previous 24 years...at least that I know of.  It has been awesome!  I would post pictures if I weren't so lazy and tired.  I actually just sat down for my evening snack of Cheerios so I can take my blood pressure medicine, but I did take pictures, its just a matter of uploading them I suppose.  Anyways, back to the snow...it's basically been blizzard like conditions since 3am!  I woke up at 2:45 to use the restroom and looked outside and there was nothing.  By the time my Mom left for work sometime around 5, she said there had been tons of snow.  We have had well over 7 inches of snow today and that is the most I have ever seen!  The dogs have wanted to do nothing but play in it, but that is kind of hard considering I can't really let them.  It was kind of frustrating though because they would whine and whine to go outside making me think they needed to potty when they just wanted to play.  They barely slept at all today due to their excitement.  I was hoping Victor would get home in time to take them outside to romp around and let me get some good pictures, but no such luck.

I do have to admit though that the snow is a bit frustrating.  I am not used to this weather, therefore I have no clothes for this type of weather.  I have been soaked from head to toe today.  I actually ended up wearing my husbands shoes to take the dogs out because they slip on very easy (he has much bigger feet than I do) and don't have holes in them like my crocs.  And who knew snow was so dang slippery!  I almost bit the dust several times, especially with my dogs practically dragging me out to the front to play.  I did throw some snowballs at them.  Rocky caught one in his mouth and just as quickly spit it out...poor cold puppy teeth.  They were trying to bury their heads in the snow and just being goofy!  But, I'm glad its stopping at midnight.  And to think, I want to live up North?!?!

We took Brianna to the Vet today.  She has been acting strange the last few days, throwing up a lot and being lethargic.  The final straw was when she peed in the office and was laying really close to it.  I knew something was wrong so I made her an appointment thinking the meterologists were wrong about the weather (for once, they weren't!) for today at 5:30.  Since my Mom left work at 2 and made it home a little before 3, I decided to call and make sure they were still going to be open in time for her appointment, and then I went ahead and asked if we could come in early, and lo and behold that's what they wanted!  So we made the journey and ran into some ice and very slushy roads.  The snow was so deep I would sink into it well above my ankles which was very frustrating.  Anyways, we were trying to turn in off the main street and apparently the drive had iced over and there was a bit of a hill so we started going backwards.  I freaked out, but my Mom stayed calm and as soon as all the cars had passed, she backed up and we went in another way.  That was really our only scary moment, but that was scary enough!  Poor Brianna, she has a really bad bladder infection and her allergies are really flaring up right now.  So she got a shot of cortizone with antibiotics, and then 10 days worth of antibiotics.  Apparently her bladder infection was so bad it was causing her to throw up.  I feel horrible, the symptoms literally just started showing up this week and it was already that bad.  Her white blood cell count was at 46,000 and normal is anything below 19,000, but the doctor said that was mainly due to her allergies.  Poor thing has allergies just like her Momma.  I am thinking about keeping her on cortizone pills throughout the year to keep those in check, but I need to research that a little more.

With all of this excitement, I am absolutely exhausted today!  I have no energy to do anything at all.  I'm hoping I get another burst of energy tomorrow, but I have homework I need to do (and work ahead), so who knows what all will get done around here.

I hope everyone is staying warm!

Various Topics to be Considered

1.) I went to the doctor today and found out I will almost 100% be induced sometime next week.  I am excited and nervous.  I can't believe I'm about to be a Mom.  I also can't believe what I'm about to go through.  I go back on Monday to be checked again since there isn't much progress going on, and to check on my blood pressure.  He really doesn't want to induce unless I'm dilating, but if my blood pressure is to high then he will no matter what.

2.) That being said, THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO AROUND THIS HOUSE!!!!  There are so many rooms that need to be completed, and still some stuff I need to buy before my little man gets here.  I don't know how I (we?) am going to get all of this done in less than a week.  I had a master list, but now I think I need to go through my list again and get even more stuff added and completed, including quite a bit of homework.  Have I mentioned I hate homework!

3.) My husband has been working horrible hours and its really upsetting me.  I miss him so much and I feel so bad for him.  After my appointment we went and ate breakfast together at Braums, which has become our little tradition.  He is now at work.  I almost cried when he left, which I know is pathetic, but I really miss him!

4.) Thankfully I did get a pedicure yesterday so my feet and toes will be in tip-top shape for delivery.  Yes, I am shallow and was very concerned about this.  While I was there, I was told in no uncertain terms that I needed a facial since my face was so broken out.  I did not get one and my feelings are still a little hurt.

5.) I got my Site to Store order from Wal Mart yesterday, now I just have to get everything put up and in order.

6.) I also need to go through all of the baby clothes and get them organized.  I'm feeling overwhelmed by this sine he has an entire crib full of clothes.  Oh well, it must be done.  When, I'm not entirely sure.

7.) In regards to the menu for this week, it is going to have to be altered due to the fact that the hamburger meat was going to go bad yesterday so I froze it.  I was going to make 2 meals with that meat, but it was going to be complicated to figure it out due to the necessary freezing.  I'm irritated by this, so I'm not sure what we will do.  I am not a fan of frozen hambuer meat as a staple in a food, it tastes a bit odd to me.

8.) I am so incredibly tired!  I know this isn't exactly new, but I am whipped.  I've been cooking the majority of our meals and doing the cleanup, and then not getting to bed until well after 11.  Then I toss and turn due to hip pain and having to go to the restroom.  I'm thinking a nap looks good for today!

9.) The pilot light on our hot water heater went out last night.  Victor tired to relight it but couldn't get it, so me being the wonder woman I am, I ended up getting it done.  But it had apparently been off for quite some time so it never warmed up last night.  I didn't get my shower and he had to take a freezing cold shower.  I also had to rinse dishes in cold water, which doesn't work so well.  I was very frustrated as was he.

10.) Finally, I hope our roof gets fixed ASAP.  I've faxed my proposal acceptance to the company, now I'm just waiting to hear back.  Unfortunately, as most of the US is also experiencing, we are in for crappy weather.  I don't know if we are going to get it fixed before that all starts up...probably not.  Such is the life of a homeowner.

When it rains, it pours

And this should be taken in THE most literal sense possible because my roof is leaking again.  Only this time I am home alone with a sick kitty and naughty dogs and I lost my cool for a few minutes.  I'm all better of course, but I'm very frazzled and exhausted.

I'm mainly worried about my cat.  She has been throwing up so much lately and I'm not sure why.  I want to give her a very good bath and brush her out really well to see if that helps.  She is a long haired cat, but it doesn't look like hairballs (TMI?  Sorry!).  We really don't have the money to take her to the Vet for extensive testing.  I love her dearly and just want her better.  She also has very bad allergies so her eyes look horrible.  We found some medicine so we are giving that to her and they are starting to clear up.  She's such a precious baby, the sweetest cat you'll ever meet, and I hate seeing her like this.  Anyways, this is a big stressor in my life right now.  My husband keeps yelling at me to take her to the Vet even though he doesn't want me to.  He's a very confusing man to live with FYI.

Speaking of my husband, his work life is about to suck major.  Why you ask?  He works for a Toyota dealership.  Enough said, right?  Well, pretty much all Toyota dealerships in the US are extending their hours and his is no different.  We found out on Thursday night that they will be extending weekday hours from 7 pm to 9 pm, Saturday hours from 5 pm to 7 pm, and they will now be open on Sundays.  These extra hours are supposed to be only for the recalls, but I highly doubt they will turn away any other work they get during those hours.  My husband already works from 7 am until whenever he is able to leave, usually 5:30 to 6ish, with no lunch really.  This also affects his ability to take a week off when Weston is born.  The whole situation is pretty messed up right now, the correct parts haven't been sent to any dealerships for the most part, and up until early last week, they didn't even know how they were going to repair/replace the pedals.  I'm not going into that because I don't work for Toyota and I only know things based on my husbands job, but don't worry people, I drive a recalled car too.  I would highly recommend that anyone with a recalled car go to Don Davis Toyota and ask for my husband :).  I feel so safe and secure in my car because he works on it all the time.  He is one of the most honest, hard working people you will find in the car business.  He's not out to make a buck off people's ignorance unlike some people.  I'm not sure when I'll take my car in to get fixed, I rarely drive it so nothing will probably happen until we go to turn it in, but because we are about to have a baby, I should probably get on that.  On the plus side, it's completely free to the public so WOOHOO!  Anyways, I still stand behind Toyota, I have loved both that I have had.  I would urge the rest of the world to do the same since there are fixes for the problem now and there are many hard working techs (they don't like the name mechanic anymore), including my husband, who truly want to make things right.

Hmmm what else is pouring in my mind?  Ah yes, nesting!  Or at least that's what I'm calling it.  Or more my thoughts of nesting.  I say thoughts because I've been so exhausted and felt like such crap that its been hard for me to do much of anything lately.  On Saturday I did manage to get pretty much everything that doesn't belong to Weston out of his room.  Of course that just created more of a mess in other rooms, which made me feel like I actually accomplished nothing.  That's very depressing.  I made a huge list of stuff I wanted to get done this weekend and I was only able to cross off 7 things!  And I was so worn out Saturday I went to bed before 10pm.  I'm going to try to work on things throughout today and hope I can get more things crossed off, though I'm not hopeful.

It just ocurred to me

First, just incase all my fans (or my inflated ego, whichever) were worried, no I am no in the hospital giving birth to my son.  As far as I know, he's still hanging in there just fine and making his Momma (im)patiently wait.

Second, I tried a green smoothie a few weeks ago and never really told anyone about it.  They are great!  I have my whole family drinking them once a day, unless we miss because I'm tired/lazy.  I make them, so they are on my schedule.  Anyways, I've read several blogs where green smoothies are staples and I have to say, I can see why.  You get veggies without doing anything to them, and they taste like fruit!  I use about a cup of spinach, a cup of water, 6 oz of strawberries, and a banana to make our smoothies.  Based on all of the recipes I have found, we are missing one ingredient, ground flax seed.  I'm not sure what extra benefits that has, but I will be getting that probably this weekend and adding 2 tablespoons of that as well.  It is really good and tastes just like strawberries and bananas, you don't taste the spinach at all.  I really enjoy them and am trying to work 2 into my day, but just haven't yet.  The basic recipe makes about 4 cups of smoothie, so Victor and I have 2 cups a piece, or if my Mom is drinking some then we have a little less than 1.5 cups a piece.  I was really shocked that I liked them because I am so picky.  I blend the spinach and water first to avoid a super thick smoothie as I can't stand thick drinks (they make me gag), then I add the frozen strawberries, and then finally the banana.  It takes about 5 minutes and then we all get the wonderful benefits of spinach.  I really can't say enough about the green smoothies.  You should try them, your body will thank you!

A Day in the Life of

It may not be interesting, but it sure is hard.  OK, maybe it isn't hard either, but when your 8 months pregnant and have been on bedrest going on 2 months now, lifting your head out of bed is a huge challenge, let alone taking care of 2 sweet but completely crazy dogs, 4 mostly wonderful cats, and the daily tasks that need to be done in ones house.  I think I may be feeling sorry for myself, but I just wrote out a chore chart and no wonder...I'm going to be doing pretty much everything around here and it seems like my husband just isn't appreciative of what I do.  Ah men, can't live with them, can sometimes live without them.

In a typical day over the course of this bedrest thing, I get out of bed sometime before 9.  I get dressed in cleaning clothes as I like to call them and turn the computer on and text my husband good morning.  I then take the dogs out to use the facilities, which is a huge task because Rocky needs to number 2 before he can eat, but sometimes he doesn't feel like doing that until I bring him back inside, pour food in his bowl, and sit down.  Anyways, I feed the dogs, water the cats, and make my smoothie for breakfast.  Then I sit down and check my email and email my Mom to let her know that I'm alive.  As you can tell, I'm not a big phone person, even to those I love.  Anywhere from 10-20 minutes later I take the dogs back out to use the facilities and I either start working on actual work, or obsessively check for emails from work to see what they need me to do.  That pretty much goes on throughout the entire day as that is how I roll.  I will take the dogs out a million more times because they can never make up their minds as to what they need to do out there.  I will also try to wash at least a load of dishes and clothes, though sometimes that just doesn't happen.  If I'm feeling extra spunky I may try to organize a particular spot in our house, though sometimes that doesn't happen either.  Occasionally I will attempt to take a nap, but only sleep for about 20 minutes.  This usually happens sometime around 2pm.  I also try not to move around a lot during the day for 2 reasons.  First, bedrest, duh!  Second, if the dogs are sleeping, well you just let those lay because Lord knows what they will want once they are awoken.  As of late, I also am making dinner so that starts happening sometime around the end of the afternoon, depending on when the rest of the family is going to be home.

You also have to throw in doctors appointments every Wednesday, possibly other days as well.  And the constant worry about my son and if he is OK and if I will be a good Mom.  Now add in a roof leak and trying to get that repaired when we don't have the money and now I'm extra stressed out.  I know I don't do a lot, but boy what I do have to do just doesn't seem easy, ever.

I wonder what life is going to be like with a newborn?  My husband is taking the week off right after he is born and my Mom is taking the next week to 2 weeks off, and then I'm on my own.  I don't know how I will manage since I've never been around children before.  I'm sure I'll figure it out, but the thought of it makes my eye twitch sometimes.

Uncomfortable

I have been terribly uncomfortable the last few days, and extremely exhausted as well.  As I'm sure you can see where I'm leading to, we haven't done much the last few days.  Actually, I take that back.  My Mom busted her butt working on her room/storage yesterday after she got home from work.  I have completely cleaned out our 2 closets in our room and the bathroom is cleaned and organized...somewhat.  The dogs also got baths today.  And now my bedroom floor and actual bed are a disaster.  I found tons of sheets that I'm going to use as cleaning cloths and/or burprags, so they need to be washed.  I also found quite a few towels that need to be folded and put up.  But I tuckered out.  And so did the rest of the family.  I'm really hoping I have tons and tons of energy tomorrow to work on some stuff around the house because its driving me crazy!

On the plus side, we did get our grocery shopping done this morning.  But, someone stole some diapers out of our cart before we made it to the checkout and I didn't realize it until then and I was not about to go get some more.  I also bought a lot of items I'll need at the hospital and I worked on packing the diaper bag a bit.  I ordered some stuff off of Wal Mart a few weeks ago using the site to store option, so I'm waiting for that stuff to get in as well.  Anyways, all of this means that I have all my food for the week and I will be here posting my menu plan in a bit.  We went super simple this week as I'm exhausted and we aren't sure what the doctor is going to say on Wednesday.

Just a little update so everyone knows I'm still alive.  Alive, but uncomfortable and exhausted.

Low Fluid I hate Thee

I had my weekly checkup this morning...it did not go very well.  I now get weekly sonograms to monitor the fluid level as I have been having issues with that as of late.  It is related to the blood pressure issue, naturally.  My fluid level was down to 6.5, with 5 being the lowest it can go before they induce.  I have another appointment on Friday due to this discovery, and depending on what we find out, Weston may be here sooner than we were anticipating.  I'm depressed about this because I've tried everything I can to relax, stay hydrated, and rest.  As I've told Victor, it makes me feel like a bad Mom because my body is doing this to my son.  I really hope my fluid level goes back up and we have some more time to prepare.  I haven't packed my bag yet, nor do I have everything I need for Weston.  I don't even have things to put in the diaper bag yet, which is sad, I know.

Victor and I came home and he started back up on my nesting for me :).  We have completely rearranged 4 rooms in the house, as well as set up the majority of the nursery in the last 3 weeks.  I mainly supervise, which probably sucks big time for him since I'm bossy and hard to please.  I think he's somewhat used to this by now though.  I love the new layout of all the rooms.  I'm so smart when it comes to those things, not to blow my own horn or anything.  I think he is secretly really pleased as well, he just hates admitting it.  We are hoping to have Weston's room complete by this Sunday, but who knows if that will get done.

I just wanted to post an update.  I'm not in a very good mood right now, so other updates won't come until tomorrow or so.  I'm really in a funk, which I've been fighting for weeks and its really just gotten the best of me.

Slacker!

Well, at least on a personal front.  I've been doing a lot of work the past few days, so I haven't gotten to do a lot of the personal stuff I'd like to.  I'm also physically and mentally drained, so I've been having a hard time doing things, working is really taking its toll, especially now that I am having such a hard time to sleep.

So, no I did not get the Meal Plan Monday thing done.  We did sit down and write out a menu, but I have not made it to the grocery store yet!  Which obviously means the Try it Tuesday did not happen as I had no ingredients for my green smoothie.  I'm irritated by all of this, but I just have to get over it.  Life happens, a lot, so I need to look at the positives and not dwell on what I feel I missed out on.

In some very awesome and great news, we rented the house out today!  I'm still apprehensive since no contract has been signed yet, but that is happening on Friday and we will be getting half of the deposit then and the remaining the following Friday.  You have no idea how thrilled I am with this.  It gives us a lot of direction and clarity within our lives as we now don't have the burden of that house hanging over us.  Our new tenants will be moving in at the end of February/beginning of March.  Is that ideal?  Not really, but I'm excited that we have a renter, and from what I've heard, they sound pretty awesome.  They will be doing any and all repairs themselves, which is a huge relief to us.  I haven't officially met them since I try to stay home and relax as much as possible, but that will change on Friday.  I have a lot to do, lease agreement wise, between now and then, so wish me luck :).  I'm thinking about asking my friend for some assistance since she is quite the expert.  I really am just so darn excited.

In other exciting, but not nearly as monumental, news, we rearranged our bedroom today.  OK, I mainly did nothing and Victor did everything, but that's how it goes when you are pregnant.  It looks awesome!  It works so much better for us and the room actually seems bigger.  Of course we have 2 huge kennels in there for the dogs, but we can't do anything about that.  I still have a lot of stuff to pick up and sort in there, but I will get to it in due time.  Next up is the living room and dining room.  We are making huge changes in these 2 areas!  Since Victor will actually have the whole day off next Wednesday, those arrangments will be done then.  I am so excited, you have no idea.  I finally figured out a layout that works for our house.  We won't be using the dining room as a dining room anymore, it will become the new office.  We have a rather big breakfast nook, so our table will be moving in there.  This will be especially beneficial once Weston begins eating solids.  The carpet would be utterly ruined so being on tile will be a lot better.  Plus it just seems natural :).  I will still have a lot of placement to figure out, but I will get it done.

The next 2 days will still be pretty busy for me.  As I said, the end of January is a very busy time in my particular field, and we get everything done a week out, which means Friday everything has to be done.  I'm helping as much as possible, hence the tons of work I've been trying to do the last couple of days.  I won't be here much, and I probably won't be getting a lot of personal stuff done, but the following week should be much better and things should flow much better.  I am really looking forward to the coming weeks as we start really preparing our my baby boy to get here.

Update

Yes, it's me, live and all fleshy like.  Todays appointment went great!  My fluid level was back up to 10, which is great!  And, my blood pressure was 114/76 which is even greater!  I don't have to back until next Wednesday woohoo!  I'm sure my doctor would have preferred that I come in next Monday, but it is so much easier on Wednesdays since my husband is off work on that day.  Anyways, I am so thrilled and my baby boy gets to cook another week!  He was so cute on the sonogram.  He had his foot up right by his face and it was a perfect foot picture!  He also had his hands around his face.  It was his sleepy time so he was irritated that the sonogram tech kept poking at him...just like his Momma.  They didn't tell me how his weight was measuring, but I'm sure everything is going great.  He's such a trooper and I can't wait to meet him, in due time of course.

I will be back later tonight with our menu plan.  I'd like to plan it out with Victor since, you know, he eats the food too.  My Mom told us to pick the food since she can always find something to eat.  I'm going to try and be concious of her needs, but its so hard, we are a weird eating family.  But I'm really going to try and branch us out in the food department as I think that will encourage us actually eating at home as opposed to eating fast food.

Also, I'm going to be trying something new, green smoothies.  I need a lot more veggies and what better way than mixed with fruit where you can't really taste 'em :).  I'm looking for a good recipe right now, so I'll let you know.  There is a feature on a blog out there called Try it Tuesday, so maybe I'll do that tomorrow!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my appointment.  To say I am nervous is an understatement.  I'm terrified of what I will be told.  At least its early in the morning so I won't be dreading it all day long.  Hopefully I will get the news that my fluid level, if it did nothing else, at least stayed the same and did not go any lower.  I'm praying for that, I really am.  My son needs to stay inside a few more weeks!

With all of this in mind, I was going to take part in a thing called Menu Plan Monday from the Org Junkie website, but because I don't know if I will be coming home tomorrow, I didn't really think there was a point.  If I do get good news tomorrow, I will come home and try to get a menu lined up for the week so grocery shopping can be done.  And then I will take part in all of that fun.

I need to have an early night and relax as much as possible, especially considering I maybe got 3 total hours of sleep last night.  I don't really know what the issue is.  I came and laid out on the couch sometime after 1 because the dogs had taken up my whole side of the bed and I was tired of fighting with them.  Then 2 of my cats decided they needed to sleep on me, which didn't really bother me, but the couch was just not very comfortable.  Since my Mom went in to work at 5 this morning, once she left, I went and laid in her room where her cat proceeded to lay on me (a miracle because that cat is not nice to anyone), which again didn't bother me, but I just could not stay asleep.  I am desperate for some rest, especially since I know I won't get a lot once Weston is here.

Anyways, I was just checking in...I really hope I'm back tomorrow with a good report.

Frustration

I have had an extremely frustrating week, and unfortunately it isn't getting any better.  I'm trying to look on the bright side and stay positive, for my son's sake, but it is so incredibly hard.

Monday and Tuesday were hectic and felt overloaded to me.  I take most everything in my life entirely way too seriously, which is why I was originally hesitant to agree to work from home.  It has nothing to do with the people or the work, it has to do with the insane amount of pressure I place on myself.  I feel like I have to get every single thing done that is put in front of me, even if that isn't what others are actually expecting of me (they may like that, but know it probably isn't possible).  It is an extremely busy time of the year in my particular profession and obviously my company is short handed due to my bedrest.  I feel horrible about that and stress myself out about it constantly, so to somewhat try and compensate, anything that is sent to me, I usually try to complete and will work quite awhile to do so, which I shouldn't be doing.

Then move ahead to Wednesday.  My appointment wasn't until 10:50 and Victor's work made him work that morning (his day off) due to a shortage of people.  He had told them he had to be out of there no later than 10:15 so he could pick me up and take me to my appointment.  While I was waiting on him, I got up and worked some.  Things were just not going my way and it felt like everything I touched was messing up, so that naturally frustrated me.  I've also been having horrible phone troubles so I didn't receive his text message a little before 10:30 saying he was just now cleaning up to leave.  So I waited and waited, and finally got up and got ready and left on my own... later than I should have.  So I was late to my appointment, I got there at 10:50 and that's when my sonogram was scheduled, so I was pushed back and Victor (who met me up there, not 5 minutes after I got there) and I waited for quite some time.

We got our sonogram and everything was fine, or so I thought.  Apparently my fluid levels are on the very low end of OK.  But, of course you know that wouldn't be the only problem.  My blood pressure was elevated again, in the 140s, so that of course raised a lot of flags.  Unfortunately, my doctor wasn't there, he was at a conference, so I was seen by the nurse practioner who also consulted with the doctor on call for mine.  They decided I needed to do another 24 urine analysis (my 3rd one!) and I had to come back in this morning for another sonogram and blood pressure check.  My fluid level was at 8 (I really don't know what that means) and anything between 5 and 25 is normal, but because low fluid is a side effect of high blood pressure problems, they are starting to get concerned.

This morning, my Mom and I made it to the appointment...which we waited and waited as usual.  We got the sonogram and then I had my blood pressure checked and it was back down to normal, but my fluid level has gone down to a 7.  This is so incredibly frustrating for me because I did exactly as they said and tried to stay as hydrated as possible.  I literally drank at least 2 gallons of water yesterday and a gallon Wednesday after we finally got home from the appointment.  My doctor wants me back in bright and early Monday morning for another songoram and visit.  I was told I may have to start coming in twice a week as well.

I am so utterly depressed about this.  I'm scared as well.  I know if I get below 5 they will probably want me to deliver and if my pattern keeps up like it did this week, that will be by next Wednesday.  I'll only be 34 weeks at that point, and that is still just entirely way too early for my son to be born.  I guess the only thing I can do is relax as much as possible this weekend and continue drinking a billion gallons of water, and pray for the best outcome possible.  All of this just makes me feel like a terrible Mom already, and I feel helpless as well.

Add on to all of this that we are in the process of trying to rent out our other house, and I'm frazzled to the bone.  I've received a billion calls and we've had 4 families tell us they are VERY interested, but I haven't received any calls back so now I'm starting to stress out about that again.  This really just hasn't been my week :).

Here's to a relaxing and peaceful weekend.  I'm very hopeful that things take a turn for the better and that my son stays as healthy as possible!

Its been a few days...

I really haven't felt so great the last few days.  I didn't get hardly any of my To-Do List for Sunday done as I just felt like crap.  Also, we had a nursing class from 1:30 to 4:30 and towards the end of class I started getting a really bad headache and just feeling bad overall, so I came home and rested for about 2 hours.  Monday I woke up dizzy and felt that way for the better part of the morning, so I only managed to work and then take a nap in the afternoon.  So, in other words, I haven't done much of anything.  I'm hoping tomorrow will be different, but my day will be all sorts of choppy due to a doctors appointment and then a few appointments showing the house for prospective renters.

We met with a couple tonight who seem really promising.  I've had several no shows and that irritates me to no end.  I don't care if you have no interest, don't say you will come if you aren't going to...huge pet peeve of mine.  Also, being late, don't even bother.  Anyways, I'm really hopeful regarding this couple.  Things seemed promising and they were at the house for well over 30 minutes.  But I'm not going to get my hopes up.  We have 3 appointments scheduled for tomorrow, all towards the end of the day.  I'm not looking forward to this, it wracks my nerves more than you could know.  My phones been ringing off the hook and I hate phones, so it takes everything I have to actually pick up the phone...sad, I know, but such is the life of me.

I don't have too much to say considering how unproductive I've been the past few days.  I get my sonogram tomorrow, so hopefully I'll have tons of interesting information to pass on to everyone.  Until the, I bid you a fond farewell :).

Unharden my Heart

I went with my Mom to Tom Thumb this afternoon after she got off of work. She picked me up at the house; we drove around for about an hour, and then headed to the store for some more green beans and other accoutrements. We frequent this store quite a bit; we were just there Monday as a matter of fact. There are two "slower" people who work there, a man and a woman. While we were trying to park (in the handicap spot due to my Mom's knees, which should be fine soon...), the man was collecting carts and happened to be in our way. I immediately got irritated and said some not so nice things to my Mom. And I immediately felt horrible. Yes, he can be a bit irritating, he will talk and talk to you saying the same thing over and over again, but that is no reason to get frustrated or irritated. I've really tried to make it a habit not to get "annoyed" by these folks, but apparently I'm not doing so well.

Sitting in my Mom's car, I began thinking about all of this and how unGodly and rude this is of me. I had an epiphany if you will. People are who they are, no matter their differences, and I should learn to love and accept everyone no matter what. It most definitely isn't my place to judge others. And I find judging others has quite a negative effect on my heart and my overall well being. I'm the first to admit, I'm quite a judgmental person, overly so really. I would like to lose this layer of my personality completely. Only God has the right to judge, and while I may not like a person’s so called flaws, I need to learn to accept them for what they are, part of God's creation.

This is a huge step for me because being judgmental is part of my personality, a big part. My husband often comments that I am way too judgmental and that's probably why I don't have a lot of friends. Though he is being sarcastic, I can't help but wonder if what he says is true. I don't open myself up to people because of my preconceived notion of their personalities. And truthfully, I'm probably missing out on knowing a lot of great people. I think it is also partly a defense mechanism as I myself am terrified of being judged by others. I am scared to know what they think when they see me and talk to me. But this is really only hurting me and depressing my soul.

I feel this falls along the lines of wanting to be more Godly and a much better Christian. I need to find a Church I feel connected to and find a group of women I can relate to and share experiences with. So I guess this is one huge goal for me. Open my heart more to God by finding a great Church, and then I will lose my judgmental-ness and live a happier life. See how it all relates?!

Welcome

Here's to a new year and a new blog.  I've been going through a lot lately and decided that I needed some changes...namely a new blog.  I felt uncomfortable with my old blog as I feel I was being "spied" on by people.  It's not something I want to go into, but I'm hoping this will remedy the situation.  If not, I don't really care at this point.  People need to get over themselves.

I am starting this blog with full plans of buying my own website and learning all the html babble...the whole 9 yards so to speak.  There are so many things I feel I want to learn about websites and from people in general, so I feel this is a great way to get started.  I'm notorious for not following through on things, but I'm really hoping I do so on this.

So, a little about me.  I'm 24 and I've been married to my husband, Victor, for 3 years.  We are expecting our first child, a baby boy we've decided to name Weston Michael Kit (the Kit is after my Dad), on March 3, 2010.  Who knows if I will actually make it to my due date as I am currently on bedrest for preeclampsia.  That started December 2nd.  I spent about 3 hours in the hospital on December 4th where my test results showed the beginning stages of preeclampsia.  I am currently on 600mg of Labatelol to keep that in check, which has been working pretty well thus far.  I will talk a lot about this as it pretty much consumes my day. 

Anyways, we live in a suburb of Dallas, Irving, in a pretty nice neighborhood...we are actually the ghetto house :).  My Mom now lives with us for several reasons.  She had double knee replacement surgery on November 2nd and the rental house she was living in (owned by me) just wasn't conducive to her walking.  Also, we are uninsured and paying for everything baby related on our own.  Her moving in would cut our bills in half, and hers as well.  So we are trying to save everyone money in the grand scheme of things.  Also, hello, built in babysitter :).  My husband and I have 4 cats and 2 dogs.  Yes, it is a zoo and sometimes it feels completely overwhelming.  I love my animals dearly, even if they do get into mischief quite often.  Brianna is the first cat I bought myself and she is a purebred Ragdoll.  Meowser is a Siamese tabby mix.  Keegan is most likely a manx type mix cat who is solid white.  Payton is a Siamese calico mix.  Our dogs are Boxers, Rocky looks American while Keeva looks German.  Don't worry, I will post a blog dedicated to my animals very soon.

Up until December 2nd, I worked as a property tax consultant for an outsourcing firm.  I still do part time work for them currently to supplement the income and to help them out.  My husband is a tech trainee for a Toyota dealership in the Arlington area.  My Mom is an accountant and she has been with the same company since 1989!!!  I've grown up there and consider some of her fellow coworkers as very good friends.  My Dad died on May 6, 2006, the day before my 21st birthday.  If I sound bitter, I am.  I am very close with my family, especially my Dad.  I have a hard time talking about my Dad because I think I'm still in the denial phase of grief.  He was a great, great man and I miss him very much.  Hopefully through this blog, I'll learn to deal with some of my emotions, and maybe one day I'll post a blog on him.  Believe me; the whole world would have been better off knowing him, that's how great he was.

I think everyone gets a general picture of me from this post.  My goal is to be an open book on here, I have nothing to hide, hence the openess of the post.  Like I said, I'm really looking forward to this journey.  I'm starting many things this year and I feel like this blog will be a culmination of everything.