Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Its Almost Time

After my vent on Monday, I guess my prayers were answered.  I went to the doctor today and my induction has been moved up.  I now go in Saturday night around 9:30pm for them to put that gel stuff on your cervix to start the induction process.  My doctor will then be in Sunday morning to break my water and start the pitocin (the devil's brew from what I understand).  And then Weston will be here sometime Sunday.

I have a wide array of emotions running through my body right now.  My mood roller coaster has been out of this world today and I'm not too fond of that.  When he first told me I was ecstatic!  I was practically jumping for joy and literally skipping down the hall out of the doctor's office.  I think I was mainly happy because I don't have to go back there until well after Weston is born.  I love the office and the people there, but I'm really tired of going in.  I have been so many times, everyone knows me so well there, its almost comical.  I was giddy with the excitement of knowing I wouldn't have anymore nerve-wracking appointments, and that I was going to meet my son.  As time wore on, I became scared, petrified, nervous, anxious, etc.  My husband and I went to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast (we've started going to breakfast together after every Wednesday appointment) and I actually started crying while we were in there eating!  Isn't that ridiculous?!

I know it may be stupid to a lot of people, but my animals mean the world to me.  They are my babies and always will be.  I am terrified I will neglect them and not want them anymore once Weston gets here.  My Mom says that would never happen, but I'm so afraid it will.  I'm so afraid I won't have enough love for my child and my animals.  I know this probably doesn't cross any normal mom-to-be's mind, but it sure has mine.  I am going to make a concious effort to put aside time each day to spend with my animals.  Of course that won't be hard with the dogs, they are out all the time and are constantly around me.  I am going to do my best to not get so easily annoyed at them, but that is going to be hard considering they are big clumsy oafs who step all over me and bark at the slightest noise.

I think I have calmed down a bit since earlier this morning.  I'm terrified of childbirth, but I know millions of women have done it before me, and millions will do it after me, I'm really just a number.  I'm hoping to go at it all natural, but I also hope I am aware enough to know my limitations.  I will have my very supportive husband there who I'm sure will kick it up a notch and help me out.

Now I'm off to fold laundry because it needs to get done.  There are about 5 million other tasks, so I need to get it in gear!

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