Frustration

I have had an extremely frustrating week, and unfortunately it isn't getting any better.  I'm trying to look on the bright side and stay positive, for my son's sake, but it is so incredibly hard.

Monday and Tuesday were hectic and felt overloaded to me.  I take most everything in my life entirely way too seriously, which is why I was originally hesitant to agree to work from home.  It has nothing to do with the people or the work, it has to do with the insane amount of pressure I place on myself.  I feel like I have to get every single thing done that is put in front of me, even if that isn't what others are actually expecting of me (they may like that, but know it probably isn't possible).  It is an extremely busy time of the year in my particular profession and obviously my company is short handed due to my bedrest.  I feel horrible about that and stress myself out about it constantly, so to somewhat try and compensate, anything that is sent to me, I usually try to complete and will work quite awhile to do so, which I shouldn't be doing.

Then move ahead to Wednesday.  My appointment wasn't until 10:50 and Victor's work made him work that morning (his day off) due to a shortage of people.  He had told them he had to be out of there no later than 10:15 so he could pick me up and take me to my appointment.  While I was waiting on him, I got up and worked some.  Things were just not going my way and it felt like everything I touched was messing up, so that naturally frustrated me.  I've also been having horrible phone troubles so I didn't receive his text message a little before 10:30 saying he was just now cleaning up to leave.  So I waited and waited, and finally got up and got ready and left on my own... later than I should have.  So I was late to my appointment, I got there at 10:50 and that's when my sonogram was scheduled, so I was pushed back and Victor (who met me up there, not 5 minutes after I got there) and I waited for quite some time.

We got our sonogram and everything was fine, or so I thought.  Apparently my fluid levels are on the very low end of OK.  But, of course you know that wouldn't be the only problem.  My blood pressure was elevated again, in the 140s, so that of course raised a lot of flags.  Unfortunately, my doctor wasn't there, he was at a conference, so I was seen by the nurse practioner who also consulted with the doctor on call for mine.  They decided I needed to do another 24 urine analysis (my 3rd one!) and I had to come back in this morning for another sonogram and blood pressure check.  My fluid level was at 8 (I really don't know what that means) and anything between 5 and 25 is normal, but because low fluid is a side effect of high blood pressure problems, they are starting to get concerned.

This morning, my Mom and I made it to the appointment...which we waited and waited as usual.  We got the sonogram and then I had my blood pressure checked and it was back down to normal, but my fluid level has gone down to a 7.  This is so incredibly frustrating for me because I did exactly as they said and tried to stay as hydrated as possible.  I literally drank at least 2 gallons of water yesterday and a gallon Wednesday after we finally got home from the appointment.  My doctor wants me back in bright and early Monday morning for another songoram and visit.  I was told I may have to start coming in twice a week as well.

I am so utterly depressed about this.  I'm scared as well.  I know if I get below 5 they will probably want me to deliver and if my pattern keeps up like it did this week, that will be by next Wednesday.  I'll only be 34 weeks at that point, and that is still just entirely way too early for my son to be born.  I guess the only thing I can do is relax as much as possible this weekend and continue drinking a billion gallons of water, and pray for the best outcome possible.  All of this just makes me feel like a terrible Mom already, and I feel helpless as well.

Add on to all of this that we are in the process of trying to rent out our other house, and I'm frazzled to the bone.  I've received a billion calls and we've had 4 families tell us they are VERY interested, but I haven't received any calls back so now I'm starting to stress out about that again.  This really just hasn't been my week :).

Here's to a relaxing and peaceful weekend.  I'm very hopeful that things take a turn for the better and that my son stays as healthy as possible!